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What makes people engage with you and your writing

Hint: you don’t need to be a writer to use this tip.

It’s just nearly two months since I start writing constantly every Sunday.

The time is short and my audience is tiny — yet it’s still enough to spot a pattern among them.

What makes them engage more with this blog post and not with another? What has captivated them and what hasn’t?

I find the answer is interesting as well as a bit scary both at the same time:

I know then you’ll ask: What does ‘personal stuff’ even mean? Who even cares about your personal thing? They only care if your writing is valuable or not.

Of course — ‘valuable’ is a must. It’s what makes people read your writing. But it’s not enough to get people talking. Especially when we’re discussing what makes them delight and captivated — rather than what makes them read.

This ‘Personal Stuff’ can be used not only in writing — but also in dating. That’s what I’ll explain at the end of this post.

So read on.

I’ll explain this point with an imaginary story.

Jay is a young and passionate writer.

He writes an in-depth guide about leadership and management. It took him weeks to finish.

As a writer, Jay’s goal is to provoke a conversation, a reaction in his readers after reading. He hopes for comments.

He knows his reader will find it very useful. Because it’s practical and full of valuable information for early-stage entrepreneurs.

He’s proud of his work and shares it to his email list of 2,000 people. As usual, people click and read his post, he also receives some shares on social media.

But, no one leaves a comment on it. No one is actually talking about it, they just read then leave. Why is that?

Why does he get decent traffic but no comment?

Because there is nothing that tells his personal experience in this post. Jay’s readers feel like he’s hiding behind his writing. He’s just a faceless writer — with no emotion, and maybe with no real experience as well.

They don’t know who he is, so why should they trust and start talking about his stuff? Moreover, they can probably find this kind of information elsewhere. It’s good, but not good enough for them to actually care.

You’re also a reader. So, will you take advice from a person you know and trust and respect or you’ll take it from a faceless stranger?

The answer is crystal clear.

I’m not an experienced writer. I just started blogging 2 months back.

But as a full-time marketer, I read (& also write) a lot — every day — in the last four years. I read a bunch of articles each day. Hundreds each month. And thousands each year. I’m writing this in the perspective of an experienced reader.

If you only write about tips, it’s a little bit boring.

You’re just sharing information. When I come to your blog for information only, I can easily replace you with another writer on the Internet. In fact, I can replace you with a thousand ones.

So here’s the point:

In his popular Medium post ‘You Could Have Today, Instead You Choose Tomorrow’, Ryan Holiday doesn’t tell you to stop procrastinating and start acting. He writes a story about his well-spent weekend and shows you how you should live a life like that and how you can design your life instead. Ryan’s post gets 34K claps till now.

If you write about relationship advice, don’t tell me what to make a relationship lasts. Show me how you did it and share the reason why it lasted or it didn’t.

If you write about personal growth and development, don’t just write ironic tips that I can easily find or read on big magazines. It’s not what I expected. I expect to read a real story from a real human. Show me your growth story. What changes you, what impacts your life and what makes you decide how you live. It’s what readers expect to read from you — but not from anyone else.

Your job here is showing readers who you are & what makes you unique.

When they feel they know you and start seeing you as a friend, they come back because they want to “hear” your voice. They want to join a conversation with you. And that’s the real purpose of blogging.

Now here comes the good part.

You don’t need to be an actual writer to apply my tip.

For a practical example, look no further than dating.

Your crush is like your reader. And you’re the writer of your own life.

You can’t force your “reader” engages with you or invests their time to you. You can’t tell them what to do: “Hey, I’m good looking and caring, generous and interesting. I think we should date.” In fact, no one ever acts like that.

You can — however — show them who you are, what your story is and let them decide.

It sounds pretty obvious at first, but there are many men and women are doing it wrong by trying to win their “reader” by all means.

I think we can all relate to someone perform grand gestures or favors for their crush, with little effect. Such as sending flowers, chocolates, expensive gifts, be their personal driver, etc with the hope that their crush will like them back.

Or these grand gestures will make his/her realize the value of them.

Time and time again, this has been proved wrong in real life. What actually happens is that they become increasingly invested in that person, wanting to do more and hoping that they’ll like them more — desperately.

Don’t ever worry about winning the approval of others with your gestures — instead — focus on yourself, then write them your story, both good and bad ones. Because as your reader, they’d like to know you first.

Your job is to let them have chances to explore who you really are through your genuine ‘writing’ & they’ll decide if they want to invest in you or not.

By writing your life story, not only will you build deeper rapport, but you also give yourself a chance to create fresh, long-lasting, meaningful, and mutually beneficial relationships with anyone you desire.

Be a good and authentic writer of your own life. That’s my last advice.

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