How to Handle Breaking Up With Friends

Have you ever heard some variation of the saying that there are people who come into your life for a reason and a season? This applies for all, and I do mean all, relationships and connections that we have in our lifetime. It is not always easy to accept that reality, mainly because we are not always prepared for it. Unless you’re living the ‘Sex In The City’ lifestyle, chances are that you are going to have more platonic friendships than epic flings.

Losing a close friend is a real and painful break-up. This was a person you were close to and was easily accessible. And now they are not. Losing that connection is a big deal. So much so, that the stages of grief apply to lost friendships just as much as any loss of relationships:

Grief is a natural feeling that comes after loss and longing. And that is exactly what breaking up is…even if it was with a platonic friend. You may wish them nothing but happiness, light, and love, or the complete opposite of all that goodness (it’s your prerogative), but it is completely understandable if you feel left behind. No matter how the friendship ended, whether you were the dumped, dumper, or you just ghosted each other, feelings of abandonment are totally natural.

Deep stuff, right? Thankfully, there is a light at the end of the grief-stricken tunnel. Grief can be a motivator for you to process your feelings and thoughts. Discovering new and exciting ways to live your life. If this sounds great, but you need some help getting started, here are five tips to get you started:

1. Reminisce On The Good Times AND Be Honest About the Not-So-Good Times. The goal is to help you process the relationship and look at its downfall. This process might take a while and, if you’re doing it right, you might discover your culpability as much as your ex-friend. That’s going to sting a bit so take your time and be kind to yourself. You can journal, make a photo album, or process with certain people who you trust to be kind but honest about the relationship with your ex-friend.

2. (Re)Connect With Close Friends and Family. If you need time alone to process your thoughts and feelings, then take it. Just make sure to not fight the feeling when it is time to get some human contact. Check in with friends and family that you still have. Reconnect with those you have not seen for a while but still are positive influences. Let them remind you that you are not alone.

3. Diversify Your Circle. Drake’s ‘no new friends’ slogan may be the rave these days but it still has nothing on the old adage I mentioned earlier. Sometimes, friends grow apart and you need to find people who are in the same stage in life as you. It doesn’t mean you or the previous friendship was a waste, it just means it is time to move on.

4. Talk to a Counselor or a Mental Health Professional. This is what they are here for. They can provide an outside perspective that could be useful in this transitional journey, helping you explore, find insight, create a doable action plan.

5. Live Your Best Life. Get off Instagram, looking at everyone putting up their best pictures, and create your own picture-perfect moments. You will be able to move on just a little bit quicker from the break up of the friendship and, just maybe, find gratitude for having the friendship in the first place. Miracles do happen.

That’s what I learned so far from having both great and not so great friendships end in these years I have been on this earth. Gaining and losing relationships are a part of life but it can still be a painful process. Each breakup teaches me to forgive the other person and myself for the breakup, whether that breakup was warranted or not. Then, and only then, can I truly be free from grief.

But what do you think? Do you think these steps will help you get over a broken friendship or are there better strategies for healing? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Until next time!

Shan

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