Does a Safeword Guarantee Safe BDSM?

BDSM without a safeword is thought to be irresponsible, but does it make a difference?

A safeword is a word or signal that ends the BDSM scene immediately. It can be any word that you don’t expect to be using during the scene.

Common stopwords are “red” or a word you don’t use by mistake. The safeword can also be non-verbal. For example, holding keys; if dropped, the scene stops.

A safeword is a last resort that should not be used regularly. You should have talked to each other enough that you know each other’s boundaries. You should not expect to use the safeword. But if your limits are exceeded or you feel emotionally or physically more sensitive than you thought, don’t hesitate. This goes for all participants of the scene.

Safewords are holy within the BDSM world. They are used as evidence that BDSM is practiced with the approval and differs from violence. Although the idea of safewords is healthy, the system has disadvantages.

Safewords can give false security and give the impression that nothing can go wrong. The risk is that the parties do not communicate well during the scene while relying on the safeword.

A safeword is not a magic word that automatically makes BDSM safe. Safewords only work if your boundaries are respected. Practicing safe BDSM is about more factors than a word, and you need to choose a partner who cares.

For the submissive, it may feel too extreme to say the safeword. When the situation becomes unpleasant, some may choose to endure. The use of a safeword can also upset the partner and makes him/her think that he/she did something wrong.

You can solve this problem with a break-word. It is used to slow down. A standard model is to use the traffic light model. Green means OK, yellow means slow down, and red means cancel immediately.

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